Wednesday, 14 January 2015

2 Week Update

Before starting the treatment I had plans that I would write something each day. That proved impossible.

Not only was I too tired and distracted in the hospital when I got home I either did a few hours remote working or fell asleep or spent time with the kids and wife.

Life seems to get in the way and the being tired and constantly feeling queasy even with the anti-nausea drugs I just couldn't be arsed to write a blog. Maybe I should have Vlogged instead...?

In any case here I am the night before my next instalment of treatment. Tomorrow I get the 1 day a week drug Bleomycin, I am getting 6ml in 500ml saline and it takes 3 hours to pump into my system. This stuff is strong and hopefully doing the right job and stopping the Cancer from growing, in essence I hope killing it dead.

So this week has been a lot different than last. I truly thought I would be able to go back to work for the last three days as normal. Boy was I wrong.

The weekend and indeed Friday was a killer last week, I was so tired and wrecked I mostly just slept. In fact Sunday was a perfect example of what I felt like.

It was a nice sunny day, better and one of the few we could see coming up. So we jumped at the chance and headed out to the park with the girls. Anji did ask if I wanted to just stay home but I thought "no" I wanted to spend the morning with the girls and enjoy being out in the sun and watching them play etc. Indeed it was nice.

I pushed swings and helped Tara navigate some of the obstacles, Kate climbed the rock wall with me standing behind her - it was nice. That lasted about 30 minutes before my head and tummy started to turn on me. I was weak and queasy again and sat in the shade until Anji could gather the girls and went home with promises of lunch and juice. I went to bed and slept until late afternoon.

I really can push myself anymore.

This week was the same.

Monday: Anji drove me to work after dropping Kate at day care and picked me up on her way to getting her in the afternoon. 5 hours at work
Tuesday: I took the train to work and lasted until around 3pm when a colleague drove me home.
Wednesday: Anji drove me to work after dropping Kate off, did some shopping while I had a meeting and collected me around 12.30pm - I did work form home in the afternoon after a rest.
Tomorrow is treatment day and Anji will drop Tara at her day care, me at hospital while she and Kate spends 3 hours at Doncaster Westfield getting some more school supplies and maybe some sushi for lunch.
I think I will work from home on Friday and avoid the travel (which makes me feel terrible) if I can cope.

However, there have been some positives this week.

I have eaten more and worked out that eating really does help my queasiness. In fact Monday I had hot chips from the Fish and Chip shop across from work. I ate them over an hour and the salty simple food just helped me cope so much better. It was a pity when they finally run out.

Tuesday night I cooked! Sausages, mash potato and steamed peas (from the garden) and broccoli. It wasn't much but I felt better about being able to do something and I ate a mid sized portion. Maybe my appetite was coming back.

Tonight I have even been reading through recipe books to find a perfect burger as I want to make us burgers over the weekend. At this stage I am leaning towards Jamie Oliver's Botham Burger, but that might be more then I should or could have... it might end up being a simple plain burger (cheese for the girls, and Vegan for Anji) with me having as much as I can handle... But to me thinking about food like that is a good sign.

Anyone who knows me knows I love to cook and cook inspirationally. I like to invent and use recipes as a guide in the lose sense... something to fall back on but not necessarily follow to the letter.

The other thing I want to note about this week is the work and efforts that Anji has put in and continues to put in. I do as much as I can but mostly that isn't much. I fall asleep easily and I think it was Monday night I slept from 6pm to 6am... Anji has taken up the jobs and tasks with out a beat. I love her and thank for for that.

I know that this is a fight she can't take off me, but by taking the load of what she can she has helped me more that I can say. Thank you Honey!

My beautiful girls how make me smile and be happy just by being there. Daddy will be well again soon!

I will continue to do what I can and be a body when I need to be and such, but I can't promise to always be able to do all I should while this is going on. If there is one thing this last week and half and taught me - I need to listen to my body and just give it what it needs. If that's hot chips, or sleep, water or peace and quiet.

Thank you also to all those who have checked in on me. To Jessica who has written an inspirational true story. Frank for listening, Les and Colin for the links to music. Marco and Tracy for the good vibes. Tash for her magic and wisdom. The Mothers Group for their support to Anji, and all the friends for messages and hopeful comments, offers and assistance. Nery for his real life experience, Elye for falling over and admitting that I was right!

To my work colleagues and Manager who have ferried me back from hospital when I needed it and have been generous to give me the time I need to heal and also the opportunity to get my head out of the sickness and back to work when I needed to.

Finally to our families who have supported us through this whole time and are coming down again soon to lend a hand and offer more support. To Cookie Dogs for the cuddles and snuggles.

I know I have missed people and I am sorry I hope that I managed to thank you in a comment or private message back.

I still have hair!

4 comments:

Darklyss said...

We're a team, Babe. It may be physically in your body, but we're BOTH in this fight. If this was WWE, and you're on the ropes, Im the one shreiking a tribal war cry, wielding a folding chair over my head and tapping-in... you get the picture ;)

I've got your back. Always.

Ben Harnwell said...

And the trouble is I can see that happening!!! Love ya!!!

Tracy Verdugo said...

one day this will make a good story and a better song. You can sing it to your grandkids! Remember to focus on the outcome that YOU want, feel it's reality, see your children as highschool students giving you a hard time etc. That ought to take away the queeeeeezis ;)

Merrin said...

You pen a good read Ben. You manage to convey the reality of living through the treatment. Nothing but admiration for you all pushing ahead with life.